“I WORRY, THEREFORE I AM” (or “JEWISH ZEN”)

Posted by & filed under humor, Jewish humor, Jewish Zen, religious humor, the meaning of life, where in the Bible does it say that? bupkes.

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  • Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as the wooded glen. And sit up straight. You’ll never meet the Buddha with posture like that.
  • There is no escaping Karma. In a previous life you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?
  • Own nothing but your robes and an alms bowl. Unless, of course, you have the closet space.
  • Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.
  • To practice Zen and the Art of Jewish Motorcycle Maintenance, do the following: Get rid of the motorcycle. What were you thinking?
  • Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.
  •  If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?
  • Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.
  • The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao is not Jewish.
  • Drink tea and nourish life. With the first sip, joy. With the second sip, satisfaction. With the third, Danish.
  • The Buddha taught that one should practice loving kindness to all sentient beings. Still, would it kill you to find a nice sentient being who happens to be Jewish?
  • Be patient and achieve all things. Be impatient and achieve all things faster.
  • Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkes.

 

    (Thanks to Larry Bronstein, DC, for sending me these great quips from around the web)
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